This is me…..upside down and in my painting attire ready to tackle a small tree mural in a local yogurt shop.  Why would I go upside down before a job you ask?  Perspective? Circulation? To get the creative juices flowing?  no. no. and no.

I’m upside down simply because I didn’t think I could do it before I even tried.  Wait – let me back up.  One of my friends is creating a book for school and her topic of choice – yep, you guessed it – YOGA.  She had asked me if she could take a few pics of me doing yoga poses.  Of course I said yes…..I teach yoga after all, how hard could it be?  She then handed me a page of yoga poses that she wanted me to do……um…”I can’t do that.”  I was super flattered that she thought I was fully capable of these incredibly bendy poses, but they simply aren’t in my repertoire…so I thought.

Turns out, I was defeating myself by saying “I can’t” before I ever even tried.  Sound familiar?  How about that job you think you’re not worthy enough to have, the relationship you deserve but seems out of reach, or the life that you were born to live?  Why do we automatically assume we can’t simply because we never have before?   Due to my many observations of noticing my  own self defeating habits on the mat, I simply decided to try.  At first, it didn’t work – as in FAIL.  But I kept at it, trying new ways of going into it, with support, without support, and all around hilarious variations that had me giggling to myself if nothing else.  To my surprise…I kind of did it.

Isn’t it amazing the faith others have in you can compel you to rise to the occasion? Isnt’ it amazing that we don’t always have faith in ourselves?

You never know until you try…don’t. give. up.

Impossible…or I’m possible.  Just depends on how you see it.

Be Possible

“I felt like I was holding myself together..when all the pieces of me want to fall apart.”   – Powerful

These were the words that came out at the end of a recent  yoga class I taught in which we held our hands flat over our heart as we chanted our final “OM”.   Was it the whisper of our heartbeats held in our hands or the vibration created from the sound resonating throughout our bodies?  No matter what it was, they were the words that inspired me to once again dust off this blog. The words that helped me realize that while I thought my word -for -the -year was renewal (as in body, mind, and soul)  it really has come down to reassurance that this (whatever this is) is what I’m meant to do.  It’s just what I needed to hear from a student that thought she was the benefactor of her words and experience, but it was really me.

This is why I love yoga.  This is why I teach yoga.  Because it meets you where you’re at, not where you’re mind (ego) and body necessarily want to be, but where you’re at right now.  I’m not talking about the physical bendy what kind of silly shape can you put yourself in kind of yoga.  I’m talking about the exploration of the mental discipline combined with the integration of physical form, breath, and awareness which with practice can take you on a journey of self discovery if you let it.  The kind of yoga that experientially teaches you that it’s okay to give to yourself what you’re not getting from anyone else, even if that means holding yourself together or granting yourself permission to fall apart.

She shared.  I am grateful.  Never stop sharing your story, you just never know who might need to hear it.  Thanks for the reminder.

In peace, love, and light.

Angie

To begin again such as a conversation…or perhaps a blog *wink*.  To restore or replenish, to revive; reestablish.  Yep, those are the reasons why “Renew” is my word for the year 2013.  Renew has been swirling around in my head for quite some time now which is why it found it way into the honorary “word for the year” slot.

No resolutions, no goals, no MUST DO or else I’ve failed type of set up.  Just a simple word that sets an intention for a way of living…of being.  A word that I incorporate into my daily life.  Previous years words have been “shift” as in a change in my perspective and a new way of looking at every situation, and just last year “yes”.  That word taught me a lot!  I ended up saying yes to adventures I would have otherwise wouldn’t which lead me to creating things that started out like this:

to this:

But mostly “yes” taught me that sometimes what I need to say most of all….is no.  A revelation of sorts that came in a message that when you say “yes” to something……you say “no” to something else.  It’s deciding which something is what you want and which isn’t.

Unlike a die hard goal, or resolution, a word for the year is workable, changeable, adaptable….and dare I say transformative?  There is no “getting there” it’s about “being here”.

“Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”

Romans 12:1-2

Well, ok then.  I’m in.  What’s your word for the year?

But, I still had to work, AND actually work a little more than usual since I made commitments prior to knowing that my husband was going.  Which means I’m now a single parent working two and three jobs.  Props to single moms out there, I have no idea how you do it.  Out of nowhere, my sister calls and wants the kids one night, the other night my parents want them (because I had to teach yoga on a night I typically don’t) and none of us wanted them to be alone.  A birthday party later, and both girlies were off again – one to a friends sleepover, and the other to my parents again as I got called in to rescue a friend at work .

What does all this mean?  It means my days were busy and work filled and my nights, well…..I was left alone.  Alone time for me usually means……cram as much stuff into it as possible to get it all done, get ahead, move forward, go, GO, GO!  But I didn’t.  I didn’t hustle, or bustle, or make lists, or cross of to-do’s, or get ahead, or work more.

I. simply. slept.

I took long baths, read magazine, filled myself with inspiration, then slept.  I went to bed earlier than normal and slept later than usual and you know what?  I feel GREAT!  As in Tony the Tiger Great only without the Frosted Flakes!  Who knew?

It did indeed find me: PEACE and PURPOSE.    Funny how the universe seems to know exactly what we need even when we don’t.  Sometimes, we just need to get out of our own way and follow its lead.  Above all, here is the conclusion I’ve come to in my quiet time.  The one I have been looking for.  So simple.

Life got crazy, busy, frantic, and just plain nuts all the way around.  I’ve done art projects, traveled for work, harvested the garden, celebrated one daughters birthday, opened a store (more on that later), made commitments, broke commitments, entertained end-of-season parties (my husband is a Coach), landscaped, helped my granparents move (and get settled), and, and, and.

Just when you think one “to do” on the list gets crossed off, another one pops up.  I’m pretty sure you’re all nodding your head up and down right now.  But here’s what I’ve been trying to do most of all.  BE PEACE FULL.

This means every task, to do, or chore gets done in the name of peace, for peace, or with peace.  Trying to navigate the road peacefully so that the tasks themselves don’t overthrow the mind and spin me out of control with overwhelm.  Sometimes that means disconnecting.  Disconnecting from the internet and submerging myself in the present moment where life is meant to be lived, even the hard parts.

The only way I know how to invite peace into my my being is to BREATHE DEEP. Scientifically, I know how it works.  Mentally, it doesn’t even matter.  What matters most is that. it. does.  Try it and see for yourself how amazing a full deep breath can make you feel before each and every task.  It just might help you be a little Peace Full.

Enjoy the breath of life!

PS – Both of those recycled fence posts were part of the art projects that I had been working on.  I put them both in said store above, meant to take pictures of the whole vignette to show you, but when I went back to snap a few, both had sold!  Back to the studio.

I miss you already even though it’s been such a short time since we last spoke.  I miss your clarity and your ability to remain clear even on cloudy days.

4 feet deep!

I miss the way you bring family together instead of apart.

I miss the warmth of your sandy beaches wrapping me up like a blanket when I needed it most.I miss your docks that dare me to jump off even  though I’m in my 40′s because you know I’ll do it.

Ready to take the plunge!

I miss the freezing cold temperatures that take my breath away because….well, that’s exactly what it does.  And, as much as I hate that, I really do miss that.  People familiar with icy mountain lakes totally know what I’m talkin about.  I miss the sounds of boats and water lapping against the shore that is muffled only by the sounds of children laughing.  I miss the smell of your mountain air.  Pure. Pine. Mountain. Air.  Words just can’t describe it.  I miss the amazing array of sparkling stars that fill the night sky and ponder the fact that they are always there, I just haven’t noticed them lately.  I was in AWE.  I miss losing track of time and not even caring. EVER.  I miss knowing that when it’s dark….it’s time for bed.  So simple really.  I miss the life that is just beneath the surface.  The one that’s so clear when submerged with my eyes open.  I miss the lazy days filled with music, sun, sand, warmth, and fun on the beach.

Most of all, I miss me when I’m not with you.  I miss the girl who for 1 week didn’t have a care in the world.  I miss the girl who was able to relax, unwind, and get out of her own way.  I miss the girl who said “YES” to her daughters more often than not.  I miss the girl who could even work on vacation  without pressure or guilt.  So nice.  I miss the girl who enjoyed tidying up the cabin, cooking, and preparing meals.  I miss the girl who loved hanging out with her family.  I even miss the girl who was frustrated with 4 bikes on 1 rack because her family came over to help.  I miss the volleyball tournament on your sand, but please don’t trip me so much next time And ps: we’ll get em next year.  All in all this sums it up:

I already miss the tradition that happens year after year, but realize it’s the experience of the year in between that grants us the tradition.

Ahhhhh……… nothing is revealed except in contrast, yet another yoga lesson surfaces once again.  So instead of miss you (or me), I’ve decided to learn from you and take a little bit of “Tahoe Angie” back.  Lessons learned from the Lake:

Be clear even on cloudy days

Look deep….because you can

Don’t ever be too old to be “awed”  (my daughters snicker “make that odd” mom)

Look up more!

Realize that even the smallest ripples hit the shore...so make em positive ones

Say YES! more (Did you know that was my word for the year?)

Experience life that is just beneath the surface

Lighten up! even if that means a "cold rock" massage

JUMP IN!  Get Goosebumps, I dare you.

Need I say more?  For anyone who has every been lucky enough to spend a little time staring into the crystal clear blue lake knows the magic that is revealed when one looks deep enough.  I love this place, it has my heart and always has since I was a child.  My weekend memories with my parents come rushing back as now I’m the parent with my own children. Full circle.

I’ve been needing a rest lately, and well….I’ve found it.  Here at “the lake” as us locals call it.  Pure, simple, blue, clear..

Here’s to more ahhhh’s in Tahoe.

Pics coming at the end of vacation.

Peace to all.

It’s funny when you actually use your own blog as a reminder to yourself to chill out.  To take a breath, or heck…take two!  To take a moment, or three!  Relax, get out of your own way and find comfort in the words written at another time from another person (even though the person was me).  I swear there is someone else living in my head sometimes.

This week, the theme I have been teaching in my yoga classes is “Energy Flows Where Attention Goes”.  We actually use the poses on the mat and test that theory by placing our attention on a certain area of the body and then noticing if we can or can’t  physically feel the energy rush to meet us.  It’s sooooooo cool.  Then, once verified that it actually does meet you where you want it, my students are encouraged to take that practice off the mat by noticing what in their life needs their attention.  What are they giving their attention to?  Where is the energy flowing?  Are they focusing on a problem or a solution?

Not wanting to be a big fat liar myself, I had to walk the walk if I’m a talkin the talk.  I need to be a student of myself.    I took a hard look and found out that my own personal yoga practice (and sanity) has not been given any attention at all.  There has been more teaching of classes than taking.  As a result, I feel terrible, my blog misses me, and my inner artist has been shushed.

Not. Good.

Inspired by one of my students I have decided to do 30 classes in 30 days – an all or nothing approach.  So. Me.

I’m currently on day 4.  Sore.  Stay tuned, I’m excited to see where this takes me, feel free to come along as you are always welcome to join in.

What I’ve come to discover is that we will never completely get rid of the chaos in our lives  (that would be boring) so the only other option is to find peace within it.  It is not the situations or circumstances themselves, but rather our reactions to them that make us feel slightly off kilter.  And then, I come back to one of my all time favorite yoga tools….focusing on the breath.  Taking in the most delicious FULL DEEP breath imaginable.  Drinking it up and noticing the small nuances of what it feels like to actually breathe…to actually be alive or maybe just maybe…..to be breathed by something much larger than myself.  Sweet surrender surfaces once again.

Then, I am reminded that all. is. well.

Breathe In…Peace Out…Be Well.

I didn’t know when I married you 20 years ago today that we’d still be together now.  I didn’t know that we’d set the example for the rest of our family and friends to look up to even though I feel like we don’t know what we’re doing either.  I didn’t know that we’d have 2 crazy little girls that have the best and worst parts of both of us.  I didn’t know they teach us to be better people.  I didn’t know that dads like you existed.  I didn’t know that we’d continue to discover things about each other when we thought we knew everything there was to know.  I didn’t know we’d buy a house, lose a house, find a home, and be OK.

I didn’t know that we’d watch each other suffer heartbreaks and encourage each other to get back up.  I didn’t know that you had the courage to be who you are while allowing everyone else to be who they are.  I didn’t know that you would make space for me to follow my dreams of owning a business, selling a business, moving a business, and venturing out of state…..because I just plain wanted to even when it meant sacrificing your family.  I didn’t know that you’d continue to be an inspiration to all those around you, that you would encourage people to be happy more and be worried less – including myself.  I didn’t know that you had an undying faith and unshakable belief system that allows you to trust in God while listening to me constantly question, question, question! And while I challenge you at the core of your beliefs with a different perspective based on my experience,  I didn’t know that it was OK for me to not think like you.  I didn’t know that life would get better.  I didn’t know that I would cry while I write this.  I didn’t know that life could be stable.  I didn’t know that you had a silent strength and put yourself last to support others being first.  I didn’t know that no one is beneath you.  I didn’t know that we would like the same things like gardening, wine, and being outdoors.  I didn’t know that I’d love skunking beating you at cribbage (on rare occasion that I actually win).   I didn’t know that I would be more in love with you today than I was 20 years ago….but it’s true.

I look forward to finding out more that I don’t know about life with you.

Love,

Me