As I tucked my daughters in to bed, we repeated our nightly mantra. ”Sweet Dreams” I say, “Dream Big” they respond.
Hope – I was
clinging for dear life holding on to it. Now, I get to let it go because the opportunity I was hoping for is gone. I was quite surprised at my reaction. A wave of disappointment washed over me until I reminded myself that I did everything I could and my best simply wasn’t what was needed. I then revisited the definition for hope and was delighted to find that it doesn’t mention time constraints AT ALL…phew. It simply states that was is hoped for CAN be had or that everything WILL turn out for the best. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe, just maybe some other time. Am I disappointed, sure….I’m human after all, however this is where I was reminded of some hard yoga lessons I have learned and am getting to revisit.
Hope and disappointment are two sides of the same coin. The more I hope, the greater exposure I have to disappointment. The more I love, the deeper the hurt, the higher I go, the harder the fall. But, seeing how you can’t have one without the other, this feeling of disappointment gives the next hope even greater joy. Ah, the human experience is fascinating! And here’s the thing, I’ve stretched, grown, and expanded my comfort zone. I’m reminded of the practice of non attachment, another yoga gem. Doing….for the sake of doing, not getting.
Then I heard small, sweet 10 and 8 year old voices in their best understanding gently say, “Mommy, I still think you’re an artist” and “don’t stop painting” and ” who needs that? You have soooo many people who love you”. Words that have bounced back like an echo that I’ve said to them so many times and I am reminded yet again that I already have everything I’ve ever hoped for, even when I didn’t know it.