As I tucked my daughters in to bed, we repeated our nightly mantra.  ”Sweet Dreams” I say, “Dream Big” they respond.

Hope – I was clinging for dear life holding on to it.  Now, I get to let it go because the opportunity I was hoping for is gone.  I was quite surprised at my reaction.  A wave of disappointment washed over me until I reminded myself that I did everything I could and my best simply wasn’t what was needed.  I then revisited the definition for hope and was delighted to find that it doesn’t mention time constraints AT ALL…phew.  It simply states that was is hoped for CAN be had or that everything WILL turn out for the best.  Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe, just maybe some other time.  Am I disappointed, sure….I’m human after all, however this is where I was reminded of some hard yoga lessons I have learned and am getting to revisit.

Hope and disappointment are two sides of the same coin.  The more I hope, the greater exposure I have to disappointment. The more I love, the deeper the hurt, the higher I go, the harder the fall.   But, seeing how you can’t have one without the other, this feeling of disappointment gives the next hope even greater joy.  Ah, the human experience is fascinating!  And here’s the thing, I’ve stretched, grown, and expanded my comfort zone. I’m reminded of the practice of non attachment, another yoga gem.  Doing….for the sake of doing, not getting.

Then I heard small, sweet 10 and 8 year old voices in their best understanding gently say, “Mommy, I still think you’re an artist” and “don’t stop painting” and ” who needs that?  You have soooo many people who love you”.  Words that have bounced back like an echo that I’ve said to them so many times and I am reminded yet again that I already have everything I’ve ever hoped for, even when I didn’t know it.

The dictionary describes hope as:  The feeling that what is wanted CAN be had or that events WILL turn out for the best.

I have a lot of hopes.  I hope that our children grow up happy.  I hope we are able to purchase the home we are in.  I hope that my husband and I can take a vacation for our 20 year anniversary.  I hope he’s able to finish school one day.  I hope that my yoga teachings inspire others to suffer less and live more.  I hope that our little family can know strength in numbers….even when it’s just the four of us.  But this past week my hope is that a project I’ve been working on is accepted.

It’s a big BIG project.  A project that hope brought me to.  One that said, yes…this can happen for you and if not then everything will turn out for the best.  I have found that sometimes hope taps me on the shoulder and inspires me to take a step forward.  To learn a skill I don’t have, to throw my heart after something my head knows nothing about, and to take a risk even when it means failure in an effort to grow, expand and experience.

Holding on to hope…that what I want can be had but  letting go of the idea that my happiness depends on it brings me cOMfort in trusting that events will turn out for the best.

What do you hope for?  Whatever it is, my wish for you is that you are able to…

Hope Fully

Dear 2012,

I’ve been hearing your name circle around quite a bit lately, mostly about the anticipation of meeting you.  My friends and family can’t wait and many are even throwing parties with you as the guest of honor, waiting for just the right time for you to show up (good thing you’re punctual).  Many people see you as a new friend who’s full of endless possibilities hoping you’ll be kinder, gentler, and more forgiving than their old acquaintance, 2011.  Some people even set goals and make resolutions in your honor as if all it takes is you showing up for them to take action and pay tribute to their own lives.  Do they realize they have the ability to make different  decisions any time of the year?

For me….I don’t do new years resolutions.  To set them with specific goals such as….eat healthier, exercise 5 times a week, walk more, drive less, love more, fear less….etc etc….makes me feel as if my life right now needs to be fixed changed as if it’s broken not quite “right”.  And…while that may be true…my life is what it is and my choice is to fully experience every moment of it….in times of challenge and triumph, in times of sadness and joy, in times of fear and bravery…and. and. and.

My choice is to create an extraordinary life out of ordinary moments…..no matter what year/month/day it is and encourage you to do the same.  Maybe set an intention for the year based on a word.  My word for 2011 was “SHIFT”.  Shift certainly served me well for 2011.  You can read more about it here. Shift was a simple reminder and a change in my perspective that transformed my entire outlook on who I am, where I live, and what I choose to do.

So 2012…I look forward to your arrival and to meeting you in person.  I look forward to sharing my word and my life with you.  I look forward to all you have to offer with whatever it is you’ve got.  But most of all, I’m thankful for bringing you into my circle of friends all whose names are those of prior years.  Of course I have my bff’s named 1992, 2001 and 2003 who brought me the gift of my husband and children to keep me enrolled in the school of life.  An education that teaches me selfless love and patience.  I’m sometimes a slow learner….so thanks for all of them.

With Gratitude,

Angie