Sheesh….where have I been? Well for starters I have been working on new art (cOMing soon) and trying to turn those paintings into cards (yes cards!). It’ s been a lot of trial and error, but as with life, it seems to be how I learn the best. I used to think I could just observe others and learn from their “mistakes” however I’m finding out that if I just dive in and try it, then I can use my experience to guide me through the next steps. It’s what one of my former yoga instructors called “throwing darts”. Yep….you throw and it’s a little off to the right…..so you re-adjust and throw again. Each time you throw a new dart, you are using the information you gained from the previous throw to re-adjust the next throw…..maybe harder, or softer, or a bit more to the left. Each throw gives you information that you can use to hone in on where you want to go with anything you are aiming for. Now, if I could just figure out where the bulls eye is!
This past weekend I witnessed bravery by a 9 year old little girl who was terrified at the realization that her fight with an escalator was leading her to stichville. Yes stitches…only 6 of them…but stitches in her leg none the less. I watched and noticed that this anxiety ridden 9 year old was filled with the anticipation that “stitches” meant “the most pain I’ve ever felt in my whole life”.
I realized she hadn’t yet learned the lessons that a life lived could teach her…namely that what she “thought” was going to happen had nothing to do with what was actually happening. She was being held by her dad, staring into his giant smile, and listening to the assurance of a stong fathers voice that all was OK. That right there, in that mOMent, they were just sitting, watching tv, and cracking up at the ridiculous nic names (however true) the nurses were giving her younger chatty sister waiting for her turn on the attention cruise ship. The nic name bestowed “talks too much long hair”. Her Native American ancestors would be proud.
Have you ever noticed that while we can’t “give” to others what we do not “have”, we’ll often “do” for others what we won’t do for ourselves? This is when I knew she had it in her…when she prOMised to be brave for her dad while getting stitches if he prOMised to be brave for her and get his next chest x-ray. A secret pact was born and bravery made an appearance from the depth of a scared 9 year old girl proving that she could do it for him. Bringing out the parts of us that are burried deep below the surface are often coaxed out with encouragement from another and show us….that it was there all along, we just didn’t know it.
And together……they became brave.
How did you know? ………
How did you know when you picked me to be your mOM that I needed you to teach me patience that only you could test me with? How did you know when you picked me to be your mOM that you were joining two parents that already thought they had everything they needed and proved us wrong with your presence? How did you know that life was going to be chock full of surprises and spontaneity – two attributes to life that I secretly crave? How did you know that I needed you, even when I didn’t know it myself? How did you know that you’d be a sibling which only ups the ante in the fine art of juggling and has taught me the dynamics of interaction, give & take, love & war? How did you know that all those crafty kid things you’d make would bring tears to my eyes as I watched yours light up? How did you know that we’d form our own secret language that caused your dad and I to wink at each other and share a smile every time we heard the words….the dots, lizard, and shampoop (aka goosebumps, splinters, and shampoo) used in a sentence? How did you know that my heart (that I protected) was capable of loving you more than words can describe and expand myself to becOMe more of a person I wanted to know?
How did you know that I needed you to be exactly who you are so I could be exactly who. I. am.?
How did you know that life for me was meant to be shared to teach me the beauty of sharing my life?
It’s only fitting that both of you would make me flowers this mothers day because you both have helped me to blossOM into more of myself and the mOM I never thought I could be until your love showed me the way……even the hard way?
Girls…if flowers were daughters, I’d pick you to! Love mOM